Dust to Dust
by Lexee99
Summary: Kim/Jared. Shy and meek, Kim dreams of a world where she and Jared Cameron can be together. Confused and angry, Jared dreams of a world worthy of her. Told from different perspectives beginning with Jared's first phase.
1. December 2004

_"In the precious free time we have, I've taken to reflection. My mind wanders back to that night we spent near the ocean and those last tender moments we had together. Everything I confessed, all the promises made, I hold to still. God, country and rank: none of these are enough to give me any courage as I spend another night, wet and freezing in the dirt. None hold any meaning when all I see, smell, breath, eat is slaughter and death._

 _Only you save me from those lonely moments of despair, only you are that lifeline back._

 _I fight for no god, no nation, and no increase of power. I fight to make a world that is worthy of you."_

 **December 2004**

Jared Cameron knows he's dead.

Well, he will be... when he gets home to his overbearing mother. So he takes another drink and procrastinates the inevitable (going home). Though he knows with every second longer he stays here (not home) the more dead he's going to be. He's sorta-almost-kinda drunk, so the "more dead" line makes sense.

It's New Year's Eve and as Jared looks around Seneca Littlesea's home at what he assumes are all of his classmates ( _though two are missing_ ) he feels wrong. There's a strange tightness in his chest, like his heart keeps stopping and restarting. He quickly swallows; he knows he didn't drink nearly enough to cause the vomit to rise in his throat, yet it still keeps coming up.

As leftover pizza and lukewarm beer rises in his throat from his queasy stomach for the fifth time, Jared quickly excuses himself from his friends and all but tumbles out the back door into the wet snow. He has taken a few labored steps when he hears someone shouting; they're asking if he's alright. There's another voice, soft and teasing, obviously not meant for Jared's ears:

"Now we know why Jared doesn't drink - he's a total lightweight."

Though his classmate is almost twenty five feet away now, Jared still hears the comment. His blood feels like it's boiling and bubbling up inside him, and though Jared has never been a violent person he wants to turn around and rip the guy's face off.

Jared shakes his head quickly, trying to get rid of the new angry and scathing voice in his head. _You're acting like Paul, that hot-tempered freak._ Jared clenched his jaw, trying to calm down. He takes a deep breath, and just as he thinks he's good to go back inside, a shudder rips through his body and he collapses to his knees. His vision blurs as he crawls the few feet toward some tree cover.

 _God, no one better see me like this._

Jared had a reputation to uphold. It was true, he usually never drank; just showed up and joked around with his friends, making sure they got home alright. He was a great athlete, and though all of his buddies drank, he didn't want to risk getting caught. His mom's reaction would be worse than his coach; she'd be so disappointed in him. Was this his punishment for finally having a good time?

Jared pulled himself up, leaning against a tree for support. He heard people shouting inside the brightly lit house as his insides twisted painfully inside of him.

 **10!**

Shit! No! He was supposed to be home way before midnight.

 **9!**

How long had he been out here, panting and gasping for air like an asthmatic.

 **8!**

Or maybe he lost track of time with his friends, yeah that made more sense.

 **7!**

Nothing was making any fucking sense.

 **6!**

He was so stupid. His parents were going to be so angry with him.

 **5!**

Jared was angry too. Too angry.

 **4!**

At all his friends pressuring him to drink.

 **3!**

At his family for never letting him do anything fun.

 **2!**

At himself, because he truly knew, this was all his fault.

 **1!**

A violent vibration began to rip Jared's body apart. He wishes he were in bed. He wishes he was back with his friends inside, shouting happily with them. He wishes he was cuddled up to his little sister, watching the ball drop with her. He wishes he was out on the field, taking out his aggression on the opposing team. He wishes he was anywhere but here, sweating and gasping and snarling in the snow like a crazy person.

 **Happy New Years!**

The shouting is so loud - too loud for the amount of distance he is away.

He can't worry about that now. Jared's body is on fire, bones are breaking and his body feels like it's simultaneously concaving in on itself and expanding outward. He screams as he hears the snapping. What's happening to him? He feels shifting and it feels like a flame is melting his bones back together, but they're in all the wrong spots. Soon his desperate screams turn into howls.

Jared is a wolf.

He wishes he was dead.

* * *

Kim Conweller is not ashamed to own footie pajamas; ashamed to have to wear them? She pulled on her hot collar miserably, _yeah maybe._ At least no one was around to witness her mega-fashion fail as she spent the unusually warm winter evening inside with her parents. It was New Years Eve and her parents had a roaring fire going, both of them in their own footie pajamas (which was much more embarrassing). They were all waiting for Kim's 19 year old brother Kyle to return home.

Kim's parents were oblivious, believing both their children to be perfect angels, and while Kim lived up to their expectations- mostly, (they would not like to know her thoughts on a certain Jared Cameron), her brother did not. Even Kim knew he was out partying tonight, it was New Years Eve for crying out loud. Kim herself could have been at Seneca's party with her best friends but that was very much not her scene, and her friends understood in a way that they still asked her to come to be nice, but already knew her answer.

Though at the moment with her mother's nails rapping against the glass side table and her father's furrowed brows- all anxiously awaiting her brother's return, she wished she were anywhere but here. Even at Seneca's party with the rest of the Quiluete Tribal School sophomore class. She knew Jared was there, he was always at those things (or so her best friends Juliet and Carmen told her - as they were always in attendance as well.)

As the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight, Kim got more and more anxious. She didn't know why, as though her brother was probably drunk, he always got home safe, and she wasn't worried about him. This anxiety was different; it was pressing and immediate. Like she had forgotten something but didn't know what.

Kim sent out a text to Juliet, asking how the party was going. (She didn't bother asking Carmen, she knew what that girl was doing - or rather _who._ )

 _Juliet: It's alright. Carmen ditched me but it's alright because Embry is here 3._

 _Kim: You sound like Carmen. Is Jared there?_

 _Juliet: Ew, you know we're not like that. If I sound like anyone I sound like you. But yeah he's here, he looks kinda sick actually._

 _Juliet: You should come by to take care of him ;)_

Kim quickly swallowed the lump building in her throat.

 _Kim: Please, I bet he has plenty of people doting on him already._

Jared was sick? That was a terrible way to end winter break. She hoped he was better by Monday. That was only three days away. Her anxiety grew as she put her phone down.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed, I'm not feeling too well." Kim stood up and kissed each parent on the cheek, hoping to make a quick getaway.

"Are you sure Kim? It's not even midnight yet." Her mother asked worriedly. Kim had to refrain from rolling her eyes at her mother's overprotective attitude.

"It is in New York mom. Goodnight." Who cared about celebrating when her parents were worried about her brother and Kim was worried about Jared?


	2. January 2005

_"We were always hidden weren't we…_

 _Each hidden in our own heads, we slipped straying hands inside of each other's pockets,_

 _Picking out something we were lacking in ourselves,_

 _Each finding something extraordinary in the other._

 _We picked pockets and stole hearts instead,_

 _Catching secrets from each other's whispers,_

 _Seeking fleeting moments in shadowed corners._

 _But we fell too fast, too hard, headlong into inescapable darkness."_

 **January 2005**

It was unusually warm for a Washington winter, yet it didn't help that Jared now had a fur coat. There was only an inch or two of snow on the ground and he could see the individual flakes lazily drifting to the ground for almost a quarter mile. Most of the trees in the forest surrounding La Push were pine, and they were all a sickly dark green. Jared wouldn't have minded if he never looked at this color ever again. He was sixteen, yet he felt like his life was over.

 _Stop complaining!_ A voice growled, seemingly far away, but right next to him all at once.

And then there was that other voice in his head, the one that could tell him what to do and he had to do it. Because Jared had been a wolf for eight days now and Sam was apparently his Alpha, which sickened Jared to no end, not because he didn't need direction, or wasn't good at following rules, but because Sam wasn't used to being in charge of someone else and most of the time whenever he spoke to Jared, he accidentally alpha-ordered him to do something.

Jared ground his teeth together. He _was_ thankful for Sam, as he was teaching him a lot; every day he was explaining something new, from his new appearance and all the power that went with it (the speed, sight and strength were awesome), to the responsibility he now had to his tribe (that actually sucked balls).

But the worst thing was that Jared was extremely lonely. He was used to being around a lot of people, especially at school where it seemed like everyone was his friend. Plus, Sam was going through a lot with his imprint Emily rejecting him or whatever and he spent a lot of time - as a human - trying to talk to her. Though Jared knew he was being selfish (but he had an excuse because being a wolf sucked) Sam's mood - when he was a wolf at least - was _not_ helping Jared calm down enough to phase back.

Not that Jared knew what was going to happen when he did phase back. He didn't know what he was going to tell his family, and when he _was_ finally able to go back to school, he wasn't allowed to talk to any of his old friends and he had to quit the football team (which was an outrage!) But after a hefty explanation about keeping the secret, the possibility of hurting someone and not needing any extra attention, Jared complied (he liked to pretend he had a choice and just chose to agree with Sam, though if he thought about it, that probably wouldn't have been the case.)

Jared wished Sam wouldn't leave him alone with these depressing thoughts so much. Forgetting about Sam's sucky mood, his gruff voice inside Jared's head was comforting, and after hearing about how bad Sam had it sometimes made Jared feel a little better about his own situation.

However, physically seeing Sam as a giant wolf and watching his own wolf form through his pack mate's mind was almost too much for Jared to take; he was a monster, an enormous beast. He was a dark brown color - the color the trees were under all that soggy green moss, the color of dark stain on a log house, or as Sam would say when he was trying to be funny: the color of a huge turd.

But even humor couldn't keep Jared's spirits up. His thoughts were constantly drawn back to his new body and responsibility. He thought that the heroes that fought and killed monsters were handsome and golden, not monsters themselves.

Even as Jared eventually calmed down enough to phase back he still couldn't help but feeling disgusted with himself. The never ending question always seemed to be: _why me?_

It was day nine as a wolf when he painfully shifted back into a human for the first time. He was naked, and his body was covered in dirt as he laid in the snow. He expected the cold, but it never came. He had been alone in his mind and he vaguely wondered if Sam would be angry he shifted without telling him.

 _Well, how could I have told him? He wasn't watching me, like he obviously should have been._ Jared thought.

He immediately wanted to go home. He pushed himself up and took a couple of steps before realizing that he couldn't go home. Not only was Jared totally lost in the middle of the forest, but he was completely naked.

He let out a strangled cry of despair as he felt himself getting angry again. He was starving, naked, and as his bones broke and shifted - in pain.

Jared felt absolutely defeated as he realized he had been human for less than five minutes before becoming a wolf again. Though Sam had told him he would be volatile and temperamental at first, Jared didn't think it would be this bad.

And that's how Jared's next three days went. He would phase out, stay calm for awhile - his record was five hours and forty minutes - but he'd always get angry again and shift back. Sam told him that he was doing really well compared to him; he had been a wolf for months as he had no one there to instruct him on what was going on or what to do.

Right now Jared was staying with Sam in a little two bedroom house on the outskirts of the reservation. It was farther north than most of the population and pretty secluded. When Jared asked Sam how he afforded a place like this on his own he told him it was a gift from the tribe to serve as a little headquarters for the new pack - and a home for him and his imprint.

"Emily's moving in?" Jared asked quizzically. Last he heard she was hellbent on avoiding Sam because he dumped her cousin and now was following her around like a lost puppy.

"Not exactly. But the Elders have faith that she will. She _is_ my imprint after all." Sam grimaced, like he had a hard time believing his own words. From what Jared had seen and heard of imprinting he hoped he never imprinted. It seemed like too much drama and heartbreak, especially for something that was considered to be amazing.

At least it was rare so he'd probably never have to deal with it. That seemed like a check next to a box of problems he wasn't going to worry about now.

Another one of those problems were his parents. Apparently Sam and the Elders - Billy Black, Old Quil Ateara, and Harry Clearwater - had paid a visit to Jared's parents and explained the situation. After Jared's mom woke up from her fainting episode, they explained their son's new responsibilities to the tribe and his new status as protector. His dad was surprisingly very accepting, but his mom said she would need some time to adjust. She told them maybe if she could just see her son, and if he told her this story too - then she would believe them. Of course Jared was too unstable, and that led Sam to have to explain why he couldn't come home just yet.

When Sam replayed the conversation in his head later and Jared saw the look of unabashed fear of her only son on his mother's face, Jared felt his hatred for his new life rear it's ugly head again.

Sam told him it would all be okay - the feeling would eventually fade as he embraced his new life and got used to phasing.

Until one day when Sam's disgust with himself came back tenfold and Jared's mind was instantly filled with a beautiful girl looking not so beautiful.

And suddenly, things weren't okay.

xxx

Kim hated herself for loving Jared so much. It was unhealthy and she knew it, but she just couldn't get herself to stop. She knew if she herself were sick and out of school, Jared would never notice her absence, let alone care. But she couldn't resist the pull she felt toward him since she was six years old; when Kim first saw Jared it was like love at first sight.

It was kindergarten and Jared was playing with blocks. Another boy, who Kim later learned to be Paul, was crying and clinging to a man Kim assumed was Paul's father. Kim quickly made the decision to not be a baby like him (much to her mother's dismay) and ran off to play with the boy with the blocks. His tower was the biggest by far - it was as tall as he was - and as she stood next to it she realized he was very much like a tower too: tall, strong, and steady. As she played with him she found out his favorite color was blue and that his favorite animal was a giraffe. Not more than ten minutes later he had kissed her and she wanted to be married at once.

Unfortunately, Jared had decided that he loved kissing and the attention that it brought him because he kissed Lily Greyheart not even three hours later, right before nap time.

Soon Jared had totally forgotten Kim and after the fifth grade, Kim gave up trying to get him to notice her again. In all honesty, Kim was so discouraged that she gave up trying to get anyone to notice her; she faded into the wallpaper, quiet, studious and bookish. Her identity was the girl who hung around Juliet Fuller and Carmen Keane, possibly the two most beautiful girls Kim had ever seen.

Kim didn't mind so much anymore, her two best friends loved her very much and never made her feel unworthy in any way.

And though she didn't have Jared, she could almost - occasionally - trick herself into believing her friends, her family, and her grades were enough.

On the bright side, she was the one lucky enough to have a last name starting with the same letter as Jared in a class of less than twenty five people. And that meant Kim got to see her perfect guy up close and personal sitting in the seat next to her in three of the six classes she had. (To Kim the other three classes were not as important, though suspiciously she did have a higher grade in those.)

So in the end it all worked out: she still got to stare and fantasize. Which Kim believed, was all she was ever going to get.

xxx

Jared threw up. Sam was screaming inside his head that he was so sorry and that he didn't mean it, she was just too close; like she could hear him. Jared was never one for blood, and lately he had figured out he did not have as strong of a stomach as he thought after eating in the woods.

But this was worse. So much worse.

After vomiting, Jared immediately figured out that he needed to go get help because Sam was frantically snarling and howling and his thoughts were a complete jumbled mess of hysteric apologies and feelings of self-hatred. It was obvious Sam wasn't phasing out any time soon.

It took probably every ounce of willpower in his body, fighting Sam's thoughts and focusing on his own, but Jared was finally human again. He pulled up his drawstring sweats outside of Sam's home and called the police. He quickly told them that he saw a woman being mauled by a bear - or something to that nature - and that she needed an ambulance right away. Jared later reflected that maybe he should have called the Elders, but no one had told him that a vampire worked at the hospital! (Which, according to Jared, seemed like one of the first things you tell a new werewolf.)

As soon as he hung up the phone he dashed outside, seeing a wolf Sam standing protectively over a small and very bloody woman. The black wolf whined and snarled when Jared got closer, but Jared gave him a look like ' _calm down man, it's just me, and you're not being of much help.'_ Not that Jared could do much more than the wolf in question.

Sam stepped aside, his wolf howling in pain. Jared quickly picked up a few pieces of Sam's shredded clothing and pressed them to Emily's wounds.

"I know it's hard man but you need to get out of here before the police and ambulance come. They'll shoot you on sight man, they don't know the rez rules." Jared pleaded.

Sam whined and nodded from Emily to Jared.

Jared understood his new friend's message. "Yeah man I got her."

 _This is an absolute disaster._ Jared thought as her blood quickly soaked through the scraps of clothing.

xxx

Jared had been absent from school for seven days now, and if you counted today (which Kim did), that brought the total up to eight. That meant, counting weekends, that Jared had been sick for twelve straight days.

Kim was extremely worried. No one she knew was ever out sick this long. Not even Carmen when she got herpes from Jason Creek last year. For someone to be out this long, it must be something extremely serious, and that thought frightened Kim to no end.

"Kimmy, are you really still moping about the fact that Jared isn't here? You know there's more to life than guys right?" Carmen asked her while simultaneously taking a bite of her lunch and flipping through a teen vogue. Kim had been friends with this girl since the fourth grade, and she still hadn't decided if she liked her.

"Really? I never would have known based on how you act around them." Juliet smirked as she offered a retort to Carmen's comment before Kim could even think of one.

"Oh please, you know what I meant." Carmen rolled her eyes as she tossed a hand up in the air.

"What did you mean?" Kim was confused.

"I mean that there's more to _your_ life than guys Kim. I have to specialize in men to marry rich. I'm just not cut out for work." Carmen shuddered. Kim wondered if Carmen knew that everything out of her mouth was a backhanded comment, or if it just flowed naturally because she was just that vain.

It was Juliet's turn to roll her eyes. "So that's your justification for sleeping with almost every guy in our school. You're _specializing_."

Carmen winked. "Now you're getting it sister."

"What are you gonna do when you run out of guys? La Push isn't very big you know." Juliet pointed her fork at Carmen accusingly.

"That's what the town of Forks is for honey." Carmen smirked and Juliet giggled. Kim just shook her head. She wished she had Carmen's confidence. Or Juliet's look of beauty and innocence. Kim was just plain, and she wasn't the best at anything. She had good grades, but Juliet's were better. She was pretty good at painting, but Carmen's paintings were gorgeous. Kim's family had a reasonable bit of money, but Juliet's family had much more. Kim's life wasn't really all that hard, but Carmen's home life was terrible.

Kim looked around the lunchroom and sighed. It seemed that she really had no identity at all. And it made sense that Jared would never notice her.

"But before I move on to Forks, have you guys seen Paul lately? He's really grown up huh?" Carmen nodded her head behind her and toward Kim's right. Kim looked over at the boy in question before shrugging.

"Yeah I guess he has gotten a little bigger." Paul had never been in Jared's friend group - ever - so Kim had never paid him much attention. Jared was more the nice-guy, second string football player. Paul was more the type to get expelled from school because he beat up a kid that 'looked at him funny'. Needless to say, he absolutely terrified her.

"Carmen c'mon. You don't want to get involved with him. You can have any boy you want. Paul's like… an actual, _bad guy_." Juliet had stage-whispered the last part and Kim had to fight off a smile. Kim would never be as dramatic as Juliet either.

"Hmm." Carmen nodded, but Kim noticed she never took her eyes off of him.

xxx

Jared's nose burned. It was like smelling a cheap perfume that someone had then lit on fire. He never saw the vampire, nor did Sam, but they both knew he was here.

Emily's hospital room was averagely nice. There were flowers on the bedside table and a small print of a famous painting on the wall. Other than that it was bare and white. The only splashes of color in the room was the stain of blood on bandages and a light blue chair that was currently occupied by a sobbing shirtless man.

"I'm so sorry." Sam sobbed. He felt so terrible about what had happened he could barely think straight. He had hurt his imprint, the woman that was supposed to be his best friend and soulmate. Though he knew he'd never even have the chance to be that for her now.

Sam hated himself more than he had ever hated anyone else. It seemed like all he did was hurt Emily. From breaking Leah's heart because he wanted to be with her, to now physically mauling her. He wouldn't blame her if she wanted him to leave her alone forever. As soon as Sam knew she was okay, as soon as she opened her eyes and gave him the word, he would never see her again. He would kill himself or something. He just knew he couldn't live without her.

As of now Emily was in a medically induced coma so the (non-vampire) doctor could treat her wounds. She was supposed to be waking up shortly, and all Sam wanted to see was her beautiful eyes. But at the same time he wanted her to stay asleep, peaceful and calm, so he could have one more moment with her before she told him to get away from her and that she never wanted to see him again.

When Emily finally woke up, her one unbandaged eye found Sam, yet she didn't know what to say. Her brain was foggy from the pain killers, and he just looked so sad. However, unlike in TV shows she had seen, she had no hard time remembering exactly what had happened.

She knew it wasn't his fault because he had told her to step back, and he had told her before he didn't always have full control over himself when he got angry, yet she had only moved closer. _Provoking a werewolf. Just my luck_.

"Emily. Please listen to me. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I know I'll never be able to forgive myself. Just tell me and I'll do it." There were silent tears streaming down Sam's face, and for some strange reason, it made Emily sad too.

"Do what?" She whispered. It hurt to talk, with bandages covering half her mouth, but now she was so confused. Tell him to do what?

"To leave you alone. To kill myself." Emily froze.

"Why would-" she had to take a deep breath, "I ask you to do that?"

"Because I deserve it. All I do is hurt you and I'm so sorry. Please Emily you have to believe me that I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted you to be afraid of me. Now that's all you'll ever be."

Meanwhile Jared's body stiffened. What the hell was Sam talking about? Not to be selfish or anything… but Jared could not do this wolf thing on his own. Sam could not leave him now.

Emily slowly shook her head. "I'm not mad at you Sam. It's my fault for provoking a werewolf. And then not listening when he told me to get back."

"No it was never your fault. It wasn't your fault." Sam told her, tears still falling down his cheeks.

"Please don't leave Sam." Emily whispered and it seemed like more tears gathered in Sam's eyes.

He nodded. "I'll never leave you if that's what you want."

"Let's just focus on today Sam."

After a few moments passed Jared realized something.

"Hey, uh, Sam?" Jared whispered from the doorway where he had been waiting ever so patiently for the past couple of hours.

Sam turned his head a fraction of an inch in acknowledgement.

"I gotta get out of here man, the stench of leech is killing me. I don't think I can stay here much longer without phasing." Jared had to keep himself from physically plugging his nose. He had almost freaked out when he initially smelled it, but thankfully Sam had finally phased back and told him one of the Cullen's was a doctor here before Emily woke up.

It seemed lately a lot of "good" things in Jared's life had been purely coincidental. From already being in wolf form and hearing Sam when Emily got hurt, so he could go get help, to Sam telling him about the vampire doctor right before Jared was about to bust some ass and apparently break some treaty. Jared did not want to think about the future and what was going to happen when coincidence wasn't on his side.

Sam merely nodded his head before telling Jared to make himself useful and go back to La Push to patrol.

Jared quickly got out of there.

And it turned out coincidence was on his side one last time, because a certain 'hot-tempered freak' was about to get really angry.

xxx

It was no secret that Paul Lahote was poor, friendless, motherless, and had a rotten temper which gave him the title of official rez 'bad boy.' Except it seemed like in all the movies he had seen, the bad boys always got the chick. Here in La Push, no one at all wanted to associate with him, especially girls.

Did it piss him off? Yeah kinda. Just because he occasionally kicked someone's ass didn't mean he was a bad guy and that people should be afraid of him. But whatever, if they didn't want to know him, then they didn't deserve to anyway.

So that's why it was such a surprise when Carmen Keane shoved him into a janitor's closet between fifth and sixth period and shoved her tongue down his throat. However, as far as first kisses go, it wasn't so bad. I mean, this was _Carmen Keane_ and he was a straight guy, so it's not like it really could go bad.

"You're so fucking hot." She gasped against his lips. Before Paul could reply with something stupid like "yeah you too," she was kissing him again, somehow _more_ passionately than before. In all honesty, Paul had no idea what he was doing, but apparently she liked it because he could feel her hips pressing hard into his, and he bet she could feel a lot more than just his hips in return.

Paul could feel her nails digging into his back as she rocked her hips against his crotch, and he tried to think of where this was coming from. It was no secret that Carmen was a bit of a whore, but she was pretty friendly with everybody and still got decent grades and had super nice goody-two-shoes friends so no one really said anything about it.

He knew that she went to parties like most of his class, things he _did not_ go to, and he could only guess what she did there. But all of that didn't really seem to matter as her fingers explored his new abdominal muscles underneath his shirt.

Suddenly she was pulling away and giggling. "Sadly, I really do have to get to sixth period. I've got a test." Yet she made no move towards the door, instead resting her head against his chest.

For some odd reason Paul didn't want to let her go.

"But if you want to continue this later…" Carmen let her fingers rest on Paul's belt buckle as he inhaled sharply. "Here's my number." She stepped out of his arms and grabbed a sharpie from her bag that had been haphazardly thrown on the floor, quickly writing her phone number on the back of his hand.

He opened his mouth to say something, realizing he had not said one word to her so far. But she had already waved and winked at him and with one last flip of her hair he was suddenly he was alone in the janitor's closet.

Instead of showing up to sixth period half way through with a raging boner Paul decided to just skip and go home. Skipping was something he did quite often so he didn't think twice about it.

Plus, he really needed to get rid of all this sexual tension in his body.

He smirked at the absolute teenage-ness of his actions. Skipping school to go jack off? He certainly wouldn't be the first.

What he hadn't considered was the fact that it was a Wednesday, and that meant his dad had the afternoon off.

He realized his mistake after he had already pulled his beat up truck into the driveway and saw his dad's car parked out front of their shitty shack they called a house.

Paul's dad, Mark, was a mechanic over in Forks. He didn't have his own shop, he just worked under some white ass douche who treated him like shit, though he certainly worked the hardest out of all the guys there.

That's why Mark wanted better for his son. It was why he got so upset when Paul skipped school or got into fights. Paul used to be such a kind and sensitive boy, now his dad was lucky to get a grunt hello when he came home at night.

And here he was, home much too early - again.

"Paul." Mark acknowledged his son as he looked up from the newspaper he hadn't had a chance to read that morning. "What are you doing home so early?"

Paul grit his teeth and slammed the door. He did not want to deal with this right now. He didn't acknowledge his dad at all, but rather kept walking toward his room.

"Paul, I'm talking to you." Mark slammed the paper down on the table. Sometimes he wondered where he went wrong with him. True, he wasn't around very much, but it was only because he was trying to provide for Paul and give him the best life possible.

"Yeah? Well I'm not talking to you." Paul opened the door to his room and quickly threw himself down on the bed. He wasn't horny anymore, just strangely angry, pissed off and kind of sick. Why the fuck would Carmen do that to him? Was it some joke? He looked around his tiny cluttered bedroom; he literally had nothing to offer her.

Paul shook his head. There was no use in trying to analyze some random slut's actions. Who knows what she wanted?

Except he couldn't stop staring at the phone number on the back of his hand. Her handwriting was large but straight and the numbers looked almost militaristic. It didn't seem to match her bubbly personality.

"Paul." His dad opened the door to his room and walked in. Paul had to fight off a growl building in his throat. Couldn't his dad just leave him alone for one day? They were nothing alike. His dad worked hard yet he let people step all over him. "We need to talk."

Paul could feel his anger bubbling up in his stomach, anxiety pressing on his sternum. He couldn't even pretend to hate his dad because he was such a good guy.

"I really don't want to talk right now." Paul clenched his teeth and tried to calm his temper. It usually never worked.

"You never want to talk. Paul I'm worried about you. You skip school all the time, your temper is getting worse. You almost got expelled last week! They only let you stay here because this is the reservation and you don't have anywhere else to go! You can't keep going on like this!" Mark sat down on the edge of Paul's bed and Paul immediately stood up.

"I said I don't want to talk about this!" Paul screamed. "Yeah I disappoint you. I get it! I disappoint everyone! What's new? Leave me the fuck alone!" His whole body was trembling and Paul had a weird feeling in his chest that he had to get out of there.

Pushing past his father, Paul quickly stormed outside. He was so angry his blood felt physically hot.

He had just barely stepped off the rotting wood of the back porch when he exploded into a giant wolf.

xxx

Jared had been patrolling like Sam had asked him to for almost five straight hours when he heard the swearing and a new scene began playing out in the back of his mind.

 _What the actual fuck is going on?_ Jared heard a voice hiss in pain and then some howling in the distance.

Jared searched this person's thoughts with panic. They were obviously not Sam. Sam always knew what was going on.

Who the fuck is Sam? Why are you in my head? How did I get so tall? Literally what the fuck is happening?

 _Paul Lahote?_ Jared asked quizzically.

 _Who else? If you're in my head how would you not know who I am?_ Paul snapped.

 _Not everything is about you dumbass. As a matter of fact you're technically in my head._ Jared clipped back.

 _What_?! _This isn't making any sense._

 _Werewolves, er- shapeshifters can hear each other's thoughts. You must have just phased._ Jared tried to think of what to do. God where was Sam when you needed him?

 _Who's Sam?!_ Paul reiterated. _Who are you?!_

 _Sam's our alpha. When I phased two weeks ago he explained everything to me. I guess because he's not here that's my job now_. Jared showed Paul an image of Sam in his head. He couldn't believe this was happening. How was he going to explain everything about being a werewolf when _he_ didn't even know everything.

 _My name is Jared Cameron, I go to school with you_ , _that ringing any bells?_

Suddenly an image of him clamoring down the school hallway with his football friends flooded Jared's mind. The vision was red around the edges and Jared could feel Paul's anger through the memory.

"Hey look at the freak." One of Jared's friends gestured over to Paul. Jared looked over snidely and chuckled a bit.

"Max, you know we only need to look at Paul once a year? He wears the same thing everyday." The rest of Jared's friends cracked up and Paul turned around trying to keep himself in check.

his was back when Paul was actually making an effort to keep in temper in check for his dad. Plus there were too many of them for him to take on anyway.

Jared winced at the memory. He had forgotten about that. It was last year and Jared had only been a freshman. He wanted the other older football guys to like him so he had made some mean jokes to fit in with them, and it had worked.

 _Well I'm glad that worked out so well for you._ Paul hissed. _You're nothing but a giant asshole._

Jared could not believe that he was stuck with Paul Lahote in his mind for the rest of his life. Just his luck.

 _Rest of your life?! You mean I'll never be human again?!_ Paul started panicking.

 _Considering your temper, it's highly likely_. Jared smirked.

Paul sensed Jared's humor and cussed him out.

Suddenly Paul saw a gigantic wolf coming through the trees toward him. It was brown and looked wicked cool.

 _Thanks man_. Paul could see the smugness radiating from the wolf.

 _What?! That's you_? Paul asked, shocked. Suddenly he saw his own wolf form through Jared's eyes and his mouth fell open. His coat was a shiny silver and he thanked the spirits that he looked much cooler than Jared.

 _Hey. FU_. But Jared's words had no malice in them so Paul reasoned he probably didn't have to attack yet. Jared's wolf yawned and gestured with his head for Paul to follow him.

Let's go to the woods by Sam's house. Hopefully he'll be home from the hospital soon and he'll explain things better than me.

Paul fell into step with Jared. The sensation was weird, but he felt like he belonged there.

 _Hospital? Is he hurt?_ Paul asked confused.

 _Ha. No way. Us wolves heal abnormally fast. If you got hurt you'd probably be healed by the time you got to the hospital. Plus, there's only one thing in the world that can hurt us anyway._ Jared explained.

 _And that is?_ If Paul was human he would have raised his brow.

 _Vampires_. Jared shrugged and Paul felt like the carpet was pulled out from under his feet again.

 _You're telling me that you expect me to believe that vampires exist?_

 _I know it's hard to believe man. But so is the fact that you're a shapeshifter now. A protector of La Push. We fight against the vampires to keep our tribe safe._

 _This is crazy! I don't want to protect the same people that hate me. Screw them for all I care._ Paul huffed.

 _I know that it's hard. I didn't want this either._ For the first time Paul could sense that Jared actually hated being a wolf and felt his resentment towards his new responsibilities.

 _Oh you picked up on that?_ Jared thought sarcastically. _I've got to drop everything good about my life including my friends and the football team - they are my whole life! And well you know what? Now you're going to have to drop that kind of stuff too._

Paul snorted. _Good thing I don't have any friends to drop then huh?_

Jared didn't say anything. In some weird way he sort of felt bad for Paul.

Paul cleared his throat trying to defuse some of the awkward tension that had arose. _So what are these responsibilities you were talking about?_

 **xxx**

Once Jared knew how to phase back to human he had been spending most of his free time at Sam's sleeping or eating or just trying to avoid the fact that he was now a wolf. He had been researching ways to calm down when you get angry and he thought he was almost ready to go back to school when Emily had been hurt and Paul had phased.

So Jared surprised both Paul and himself by deciding to stay with Paul in his wolf form throughout his first night as a wolf.

Paul tried to act tough about it, like he didn't need Jared to stay with him. He told Jared to go sleep in a real bed because that's what he would have done if the roles were switched. But Jared had realized pretty early on in the day that Paul not only had a temper problem - he got very touchy about most things - but he also would never admit any weakness.

And Jared remembered how lonely he was as a wolf, before Paul came along (even though he was annoying and temperamental), and how much he had wanted Sam to stay with him all the time so he didn't feel like he was going crazy.

So Jared stayed with Paul under the excuse that he had to babysit him and make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Though they both knew the real reasons.

It was that night that Jared and Paul became best friends.

It was mainly because they had never met anyone like the other. Jared wouldn't take any of Paul's shit. But Paul wouldn't take any of Jared's either. They fought and bickered constantly, but Jared never looked down on Paul because he was poor and didn't have a mother, and he certainly wasn't afraid of him like the rest of La Push.

And Paul could easily see how much Jared really resented this wolf thing, but was kind enough not to bring it up. Paul wasn't like Jared's football friends, they were selfish and cruel, and when Jared acted like them, Paul would remind him that he was acting like an asshole.

Sam was surprised when he phased in the next day. He had been hoping to just pop in and see if Jared was doing what he asked and update him on Emily, and then go back to her.

He was not expecting another teenage werewolf with an attitude problem. He apologized for not being there when he phased, as that was an alpha's responsibility, but Paul told him it was alright when he saw through Sam's mind why he hadn't been there in the first place.

Jared tried to convince Sam it didn't look so bad as it did yesterday, but Sam didn't want to think about it anymore.

 _She'll be coming home with me from the hospital at the end of the week. I'm going to take care of her._ Sam explained. _I think you're alright to go back home when you phase out Jared._

Sam had begun to explain to Paul what was happening to him and the legends when Jared stopped him and told him that he had already told Paul most of the things about being a werewolf. In that moment Sam felt a surge of pride for Jared.

 _See, I told you this is where you belong._ Sam thought to Jared before making sure Paul was alright with him phasing out to go back to Emily.

When Jared and Paul were alone again Paul thought of his dad.

 _What am I going to tell him?_ Paul started freaking out.

 _Don't worry about it. I'll tell him that I'm your friend and you're crashing with me for a couple of days to cool off._ Jared offered.

 _Are we friends then?_ Paul asked awkwardly.

 _Dude. When we phase out we're naked you know_. Jared smirked. _And only my friends get the privilege of seeing that_.

Paul nipped Jared's shoulder playfully. _I take that back then. I definitely don't want to be your friend!_

They both laughed as Jared swatted Paul with his paw and Paul jumped back. Soon they were both covered in mud as they play-fought.

Over the next two weeks Paul and Jared both realized something:

Jared realized that maybe this wolf thing wasn't so bad.

And Paul realized that maybe having a friend wasn't the worst thing in the world.


	3. February 2005 - Part 1

" _Love, come home._

 _Two broken halves out of time and place can yet make some sort of cohesive whole._

 _The shadows that covered us could perhaps cover us once again._

 _And this pick-pocketed heart still beats for you and you alone."_

 **February 2005**

It was February 4th, a Friday, and Jared was back.

He had been missing for an entire month. Thirty three days had passed since he _should_ _have_ returned from winter break. He had missed twenty-two total days of school.

Kim had almost given up hope that the love of her life was ever coming back, and she had almost convinced herself that he had dropped out of school all together.

Kim heard of Jared's return before she saw it. Everyone was buzzing about how they saw Jared and Paul together in the office, picking up Jared's schedule for the new semester (something everyone else had done thirty three days ago.)

From that moment on it seemed the whole school had been spreading rumors that he was in some sort of cult with Sam Uley because Jared wasn't returning anyone's messages, yet still found time to run around with Sam, and now Paul too. They also said it was drugs that were to blame for the boy's insane growth spurts.

Kim had faith that Jared would never do anything like that. She for one knew that Jared loved school, less the schoolwork but more the social interaction and his sports. Joining a cult would definitely ruin that, and doing drugs would certainly disqualify him from sports. _Her_ Jared would never do this.

But she had also believed her Jared would never hang out with Paul even if his life depended on it. They were so different. Yet, here they were, looking like twins.

Yes, apparently he looked a lot different. Even Juliet and Carmen, who had both never really found Jared that attractive before were suddenly fanning themselves when he was near - at least that's what they told Kim, as she had been early to school and already in her first hour classroom when apparently the greatest drama ever to hit the Quiluete Tribal School had been unfolding.

Kim heard all of this unsettling news in her first hour from the buzzing of students around her along with Juliet's quick commentary she shared with Kim before the bell had rang and Juliet had to run to her own class. Unfortunately Jared was not in this hour; she would have to wait until second period to see him for herself.

However, Kim did have a certain Paul Lahote in her present class, and if his new look was any indication of how Jared was going to look, then she wasn't sure she could wait until second period.

Paul had waltzed in the classroom after the bell had rang, causing the chattering class to go completely silent as they stared, unabashed. After Kim's initial glance which Paul didn't see, she made sure to look away. She didn't believe Juliet in that Paul was a bad guy, though he still terrified her.

All she knew was that if she came back with a new look, she wouldn't want people to gape at her. Even if it was drugs.

Kim almost squeaked in surprise when she heard the chair next to her being pulled out. Paul could not sit here! _Why_ would he want to sit here?

When Kim had a choice, she always sat in the second row. The first row made you look nerdy and was open invitation to get called on, but the second was very safe - while still close enough to pay attention and see the board clearly; Paul did not belong here.

Kim quickly looked over her left shoulder to see where Paul usually sat in the back. Sure enough, there was a guy in his seat, looking absolutely and completely relieved that Paul had not chosen to go back there and beat his ass for stealing his usual seat. Granted, Paul had been gone for two weeks so the guy probably didn't expect him to be there.

Kim almost wanted to let out a relieved sigh herself that Paul left it alone. She hated fighting and confrontation, and she just wanted the lesson to start so second period would come quicker.

"Hey." Kim's body stiffened as Paul's warm breath invaded her ear. "You think I could borrow one of those?" He motioned to her three sharpened pencils laying vertical next to her notebook. Kim gulped and quickly placed one in his warm hand as she glanced at him with wide eyes. Though he was no Jared, he was still very attractive, and Kim always had trouble forming coherent sentences around hot guys.

He nodded in thanks, sending her a quizzical look.

Paul had felt a weird sensation in his stomach when he had first sat down. It was like the girl next to him was important. At first he thought he was going to imprint on her, so he made sure to look her in the eye. When nothing happened he was confused. Maybe she was in danger and his wolf sensed that? He didn't know. But she was cute in an innocent type of way, she had light freckles almost invisible to the naked eye and her eyes were a lighter brown than most on the reservation.

Paul decided he'd keep an eye on her just in case.

xxx

The decision to come back to school together was one that Jared was glad he made. He could have went back to school two weeks ago, but chose to stay with Paul instead. Jared knew that Paul wasn't going to get anywhere in controlling his anger alone, and with Sam taking care of Emily all the time Jared didn't want his new friend to be all alone while he was in school.

He was also glad that Paul was here to distract some of the attention off of him. Usually Jared loved attention, but not when everyone was deciding if you were in a cult or on steroids, or both. That was also part of the reason he didn't want to come back alone; he didn't think he could take all these whispers all by himself.

It was obvious that it was getting to Jared more than Paul, and they hadn't even been to a class yet. It was certainly true that Paul got angry easily. But for the most part, unlike Jared, he didn't care what people said as he had been dealing with it his whole life. He even thought that the cult thing was funny.

And though Paul's view on the situation made things lighter, it was still hell to be here. It wouldn't have been so bad if he couldn't hear what everyone was saying, but with his wolf hearing he could pick out exactly what everyone thought he had been up to.

There was also this terribly uncomfortable feeling in his sternum, like a tiny ball of anxiety he couldn't shake. It was like the feeling he usually got when he knew he had forgotten something, but he couldn't place what it was that he had forgotten. It wasn't so bad at first. Not until second period when suddenly it was like a throbbing ache he couldn't ignore.

It began as soon as he walked in the door. He kept rubbing his chest but the throbbing wouldn't quit. Jared never had any problem with anxiety before but he was pretty sure this was what it felt like.

In addition to his chest ache, the smell of the small girl sitting next to him was indescribable. It distracted him from all the other not so good scents wafting through the school. Jared could tell she wasn't wearing a perfume, which he was thankful for because as he had found out walking through the halls, they were all too strong and made his nose itch. But he could smell her laundry detergent and the spot of mint on her hoodie sleeve that Jared assumed to be toothpaste.

He certainly couldn't focus on the teacher with this weird combination of anxiety and her amazing scent. He stole a small glance at her as she took exact notes on what the teacher was saying. Her body stiffened and Jared quickly looked away. He didn't want to be labeled a creep for staring in addition to all the other shit that was being said about him.

Jared took deep breaths through his mouth all class period and didn't look her way again.

xxx

Kim had always thought Jared was beautiful. Even the things others wouldn't normally find attractive, she loved. Like how one of his canine teeth was a little higher than the other one, or how his hair had a slight colic in the front, or the fact that he still had a little baby fat around his cheeks and a little pudge to his stomach. She never cared about any of those things, in fact, they had always made him seem a little more human. His flaws made him seem like she could almost reach him.

Looking at this god in front of her now, there was no doubt in her mind that she had lost any chance of being with Jared. For the first time in her life she was truly intimidated by him. All his pudge and baby fat were gone, replaced by lean muscle and sharp edges. He had grown at least a foot and his hair had gone from below his ears to almost a buzz cut. Kim was completely stunned. And it seemed like all her classmates were too, especially the female ones.

He had just walked into the classroom as Kim was taking her seat. She didn't look away like she did with Paul. She couldn't. He was so beautiful she wanted to cry. She had always thought Jared couldn't get any more perfect. Her past self definitely had no imagination.

He quickly sat down in his assigned seat next to her and sighed as he pulled out a notebook. He quickly clutched his chest and Kim opened her mouth to ask if he was alright but quickly shut it. Asking him if he's alright?! He'll obviously think she's referring to his new look and be pissed off at her forever. She bit her lip and tried to focus as class began.

Kim asked herself how was it that she got to be the lucky one that got to sit by both Paul and Jared, obviously the most attractive guys in school since their return. But then she realized it rather was much more likely to actually be a curse because knowing her, embarrassment was always not far behind. She was bound to make an absolute fool of herself any time now.

The bell rang before Kim could even start packing up, yet Jared was already gone. She couldn't help but feel like wanting to cry. She was sure he had not spared her even one glance all period and for some odd reason that thought made her feel sicker than ever. She was a complete idiot for thinking that anything between her and Jared would ever change.

She lethargically walked down the hallways to her third period. No Jared in this one either. She wouldn't be able to be close to him like that again until after lunch, during both her fourth and fifth periods. That was usually her favorite block of time. Jared was always so happy and energetic after lunch, talking with his friends yet actually paying attention in class unlike in the mornings. She loved it when he was happy.

Her third period passed slowly. She wondered if Jared had gym this period like he did last semester. Kim was so glad she didn't take gym. She wasn't athletic or coordinated at all.

Soon lunch was upon her and Kim plopped down in her usual seat next to Juliet, the both of them taking out their lunches. Carmen took the seat across from them but made no move to eat. Kim looked up from her PB&J sandwich to see Carmen staring across the lunchroom. Kim followed her gaze to see what she was looking at. Sure enough, Kim's suspicions were correct in that Carmen was staring at Paul Lahote. Kim's brows rose in surprise when she spotted Jared sitting with Paul. She knew they were like… friends now, but it was increasingly bizarre that he literally dropped all of his other friends for Paul.

Kim opened her mouth to say something but Carmen spoke first. "I cannot believe him!" She growled. "He never called me! And I even showed interest in him before he was this… this Adonis!"

Kim almost rolled her eyes, she was legitimately surprised Carmen knew who that was.

"Oh Carmen. Maybe it's a good thing. He looks even more dangerous than before." Juliet sent a wary look toward where Paul and Jared were sitting, making sure to avoid Kim's gaze. Kim's eyebrows rose when she realized what she was ultimately saying.

"Jared's not dangerous." Kim sputtered. Juliet just shrugged and went back to her food, not wanting any confrontation with her friends. Kim looked back over at the pair of them. She hadn't noticed before, but they did look dangerous. They were taller than even most seniors now, their muscles bigger than anyone she'd ever seen before. But what really completed the look was the matching pair of hard jaws and angry eyes.

Kim could not quite believe that Paul had asked her for a pencil that morning. She shuddered; he looked rather like a wolf who could eat her.

xxx

Jared was looking forward to lunch. He had asked his mom to pack him a bit more than usual. But in third hour when the throbbing in his chest had almost completely subsided he realized he was starving. So of course he ate the extra sandwich she had packed. Now he was looking forward to eating the rest ASAP.

Jared pulled out a chair at the table he thought Paul normally sat at. When Paul sat down less than a minute later Jared finally looked up. He could see his old friends, mostly football players and cheerleaders gaping at him. They had probably assumed they could talk to him at lunch when he sat with them. They never would have thought he would ditch them for Paul.

Jared quickly wolfed down the rest of his lunch, trying to ignore how almost literally everyone was talking about him. He could hear his name everywhere and it was insanely distracting.

What was the worst was the fact that his so called friends were throwing him under the bus so quickly. Making comments about him saying they never really liked him anyway. Jared could feel himself getting angry when Paul suddenly snatched a cookie from Jared's lunch bag.

"Hey!" Jared protested.

"Oh no one of your like… twelve cookies is gone. What are you gonna do about it?" Paul smirked and Jared's anger deflated.

"You're an asshole."

"Hmm… not the first time I've been called that."

xxx

Kim has found that because of Jared's new look, she has a hard time controlling her actions around him. That includes anything from breathing to taking notes. They have to sit closer together in Biology, because there are tables, not desks. She can feel heat radiating off his body and though it worries her, it also makes her feel safe and warm herself.

Jared is clutching his chest worse than he was in second hour. His jaw is clenched and Kim can't help but steal glances his way throughout the period. He hasn't looked her way once and she hadn't expected him to. He never had before.

No one talks to Jared like usual. Kim can tell that they want to, but they look too afraid.

When the bell rings Jared gets up slower than before. Kim is ready to go before him, but she wants to stay in his presence a little longer. She pretends to look through her notebook as he finally leaves the classroom, and she follows a bit behind.

Some would say this was stalkerish behavior, but Kim would argue that she just liked to be near him. He was so beautiful. Sometimes she would walk right behind him and pretend he was parting the hallways for her.

A girl can dream can't she?

Fifth period is no different. Except that they're back to desks instead of tables and Kim misses Jared's warmth. She doesn't remember him being that warm before he left. Maybe he was still running a fever. When the teacher gives them an extra five minutes to talk before the bell she is so close to opening her mouth and asking him if he was okay. But he rests his head on the desk and she feels it would be rude to disturb him. He did seem very tired.

xxx

After school Jared and Paul decide to relieve Sam, as he had been patrolling all day while they were at school.

Before Sam leaves they make sure to relay to him how much school sucks and what people are saying about them now. It still pains Sam a bit to see how little people think of him, but he brushes it off for Paul and Jared's sake.

 _The smell of everything at school all mixing together is the absolute worst thing I've ever smelled._ Paul whines. _And the noises! Oh my god! Everyone's always talking!_

 _Now you know how I feel about you two._ Sam jokes before phasing out as to not hear Jared or Paul's reply.

 _Hmfph_. Paul grumbles. _I don't get why we even have to go to school anymore. We're not going anywhere. All three of us are stuck in La Push 'protecting' it from now on anyways._

Jared stills. He hadn't considered this. How could he have not thought about that?! His future was gone.

 _Oh please_. Jared can tell Paul had just rolled his eyes. _You were just another brainless jock before you met me and Sam. You wouldn't have ever left La Push even then._

 _It was at least nice to have options_. Jared growled in response.

They're both silent for awhile. Or at least try to be. Jared's thoughts wander to all his catch-up work and he considers not doing it after what Paul had said. But he knows Sam would be disappointed in him, so he plans to start when he gets home later that night.

He thinks back to his weird chest pains at school, which catches Paul's attention.

 _The stress gettin' to ya old man? Or is it your mom's salty ass chicken_? Paul snorts with laughter.

Jared rolled his eyes before he joined in and made a joke of his own. The pain was distant now, completely vanished in fact.

 _Maybe it was just everyone overwhelming me._ Jared thinks. He shrugs. Whatever it is is gone now, and he enjoys patrolling with Paul until the early morning hours. It is the weekend, and he'll start his homework after a couple hours rest.

xxx

On Monday Kim wonders if Paul will sit next to her in the second row again. If he is late again like last week, she suspects he will have to. She doesn't know how she feels about that.

Sure enough Paul rolls in right before the bell, and though someone must be out sick because there's another open seat in the last row, he ignores it, and languidly walks to her side. Even the teacher is surprised, but he doesn't say a word, opting rather to begin the lesson and there is a flurry of notebooks opening and pencils being picked up.

"Hey." Paul whispers in her ear. She feels like she's might be having déjà vu as he smiles and points to the pencils on her desk. "Think I could borrow one of those?"

Kim is both surprised and mortified at the words that tumble out of her mouth, "Didn't I give you one on Friday?" She begins to give him a dirty look before realizing what she's doing and her face quickly reddens. "I-I mean.."

"You think I keep track of my pencils? I barely kept it until 5th period on Friday. Let alone all weekend." Paul chuckles.

Kim didn't want to be rude and say no, but she was pretty sure he hadn't even taken notes at all on Friday.

"Please. Don't you care about my education?" He offered her a cheeky grin which had her face completely flushed within seconds.

Surprising herself -again - instead of handing him another one of her pencils she got out a sharpie from the side pocket of her bag. Paul immediately thought about the last time a girl whipped out a sharpie in front of him. He longingly looked down at his hand. Carmen's number was long gone, and so was any chance to be with her in the future because of Sam's orders.

Meanwhile Kim had been writing something on the pencil in her hand with the marker. When she cautiously handed it to him Paul grinned. On one of the flat sides she had written PAUL.

"Think you could keep track of this one until 6th period? You can give it back to me then." Paul almost forgot he shared another period with this girl. "Then I'll save it for you tomorrow morning. You do have pencils at your house to do homework right?" Kim gave him a concerned look and Paul couldn't help but laugh out loud at the thought of him actually doing homework.

"Don't worry Kimmy. I have plenty of pencils at my house." Paul winked to ease her conscience as the teacher cleared his throat signaling for the class to quiet down. Kim quickly turned to face front as a blush spread across her cheeks once more.

xxx

The week passed quickly, except for Thursday when Jared isn't there. Emily has a checkup at the hospital and Sam won't leave her side. Because Jared is actually doing his catch-up work and attempting to try in school, he gets to skip school to patrol. Paul finds it completely unfair. It's also unfair that Kim is not at school Friday and Paul has to take a quiz with no pencil. He almost gets angry at her, before finding it funny that he even cares at all.

Jared also finds that when at school, his chest pains return in full force. He's happy to miss school on Thursday just for some relief. He still doesn't know why it's happening, or why sometimes it's worse than other times. All he knows is that he wants it to stop. School is almost completely unbearable now. Except on Friday. He doesn't know why but the pain is completely gone. However, it's also harder to concentrate. He knows it's creepy but he always smells the girl next to him and it calms him down. Sometimes it makes his chest hurt more, but it's worth it to get some relief from his burning nose.

Because he can't smell her, he realizes that she's gone. He vaguely wonders where she went, but figures that it's not important.

xxx

It's Friday evening and Jared reflects on his pain free day as Paul tries to explain to Sam why he couldn't take his English quiz.

 _Sam! I didn't have a pencil! And the teacher is an asshole and wouldn't give me one! What could I do_? Paul whines.

Jared practices tuning them out. He wouldn't be surprised if Paul never brought a pencil to class.

 _Why in the hell wouldn't you have a pencil? Isn't that the most basic school supply_? Sam is irritated. Not really at Paul, but at Emily's face. He saw it unbandaged for the first time yesterday and it still haunted his thoughts.

 _Kim keeps one for me! And she was gone_! Paul tries to explain before realizing how faulty their logic is.

 _Kim?_ It's like Sam is questioning Paul with just the one word.

 _It's not like tha_ t. Paul rolls his eyes. He finds that lately he's been doing a lot of that.

Sam drops it. He doesn't want to start a fight with Paul now. All he can think about is getting home to Emily.

xxx

Not only is it Monday again (Kim feels like they're are too many of those), but it also February 14th - Valentine's Day. The school is decorated accordingly and red and pink hearts join the lockers on the wall.

Kim thinks back to the time she still made Jared Valentine's. All throughout elementary school she would decorate a homemade paper heart with glitter and candy and sign her name as nice as she possibly could. Year after year she would watch him eat the candy and throw away the heart. And year after year it broke hers.

Kim obviously had no plans for tonight. It didn't matter though: she was still recovering from a nasty cold.

However, her parents were going out for a romantic dinner, and though Kim was thankful to still have parents in love, it always made her soul ache that she couldn't have what they had.

Her brother was going out - no surprise there. So was Carmen, though on a "date" not to a party.

Like every other year Kim planned to eat Valentines chocolates with Juliet as they watched romance movies in Juliet's lounge. Usually they would be bothered by her younger brother Brady who for some odd reason loved both Kim and Carmen so much it looked like he could hardly speak whenever he saw them.

However this year Juliet said she had asked Embry - her next door neighbor - to "hang out" - just as friends.

Kim had raised her eyebrows at this but did not object because she knew Juliet and Embry used to be best friends as children. Their houses being so physically close they had grown up together - before Juliet, at age 13, decided that Embry was neither cool or old enough to hang out with her anymore and told him so to his face. He was only a year younger than them. And Kim always knew that Juliet regretted her cruel early teenage decision, as no one can replace a childhood friend. So she let her Valentine's tradition go with a smile in hopes that Juliet and Embry could be friends again.

Kim wandered off to first period with these thoughts in her mind. No doubt Embry would forgive Juliet. She was so beautiful, kind, smart - and rich! Kim giggled at her thoughts as she sat down and Paul gave her a glare. She was surprised to see him on time and her face fell at his angry stare.

"What did I do?" She asked him gently, sniffling from her lingering cold.

But the teacher ordered the class to settle down and he didn't have a chance to answer.

When the bell rang he immediately began speaking to her.

"You didn't tell me you were going to be gone Friday. I couldn't take the quiz because I didn't have a pencil." Paul narrowed his eyes at her.

Kim's eyes were already watering from her cold, and now with Paul looking at her like that, her eyes began to well up with tears. Maybe she was going to get her period soon she thought.

"I'm so sorry Paul. I didn't even think about that." She sniffled, trying not to let the tears spill over her cheeks. Paul's face immediately morphed into one of concern and surprise.

"Kim I was just kidding. I don't care about some quiz. Please stop crying." He pleaded, and Kim _almost_ wanted to laugh at the constipated look on his face.

"Of course you're angry! I would be if I counted on someone and they let me down! I'll talk to Mr. Greenway so he'll let you take the quiz." Kim kept silently crying and Paul felt so terrible he didn't know what to do. It was just a joke. Paul assumed so because everyone had already left the classroom however, Mr. Greenway looked like he was about to intervene between the two students.

"Kim please I didn't mean it. I truly don't care. We have to go to second period." Maybe glaring at her all hour was a tad much Paul thought.

Kim nodded and sniffled again. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." Her eyes were still watery and nose red, but Paul chose to believe that was her cold showing.

"C'mom I'll even walk you to class." He offered her his arm and she smiled weakly. "My friends won't like that." She whispered but with Paul's hearing he still heard her.

"Why not?" He protested.

"Carmen hates you for not calling her?" Kim sniffed. "And Juliet thinks you're dangerous." Kim shrugged while Paul stiffened. Kim was friends with Carmen? How in the world could he have forgotten that? Juliet on the other hand… smart girl.

"I see. Well I guess I'll be seeing you sixth hour. With our pencil." He held it up and she giggled, her eyes still teary.

She quickly brought out her sharpie and wrote PAUL on another pencil. "I'll keep this one. You keep that one. So you won't be mad anymore." He wanted to argue that he had never even been mad! But she was going to be late for class so he just nodded.

When she made it to second hour she was almost late. In fact she was the last person in the classroom.

She blushed as she tripped over to her seat and imagined how bad she looked right then. She had just been crying and she had a terrible cold. She knew she looked the part.

The bell rang and the body beside her winced. Jared always did that when the bells went off. Kim wondered if he had sensitive hearing.

Kim watched him from the corner of her eye. He shook his head as he looked through his backpack. The teacher had already began to talk and he was growing more frustrated. After a few minutes Kim realized he was looking for a writing utensil. What was with boys and forgetting things?

"Here." She grabbed Paul's new extra pencil and offered it to Jared. Looks like she's have to remember to bring more tomorrow. She almost rolled her eyes at how sad her life was. It was Valentine's Day and while most everyone else was going out on dates she would be packing her backpack with pencils to bring for her crush and his new friend.

Jared stared at her hand curiously for a second. How did she know what he needed? He read the name PAUL on the pencil and was confused. Though he reached for the utensil nevertheless.

"Thank-" He couldn't speak. As he gazed into her eyes he felt his whole world tilt to the side. At once the pain in his chest was gone, instead replaced by overwhelming love and need. Everything else fell away as he stared at her - this goddess in front of him. She was so beautiful! Her hair was so dark and he adored the way it rested on her collarbones like that. Her eyes were such a beautiful light brown; so different from everyone else's dark eyes on the Rez. And oh my god - she had freckles. They dusted her nose lightly; Jared immediately wanted to count them. And how kind she was! Offering a stranger her pencil, she was truly selfless.

And then his heart twisted in pain as he looked at her. She had obviously just been crying. Her eyes were watery and nose red. He immediately felt himself getting angry at the thought of anyone hurting her. God! How could anyone even think to hurt her?

She blushed and Jared was mesmerized by her pink cheeks. Could she be any cuter?

No wonder why she had smelled so wonderful to him - she was his imprint. He inhaled deeply and was exalted to find that she smelled even better than before.

Soon Jared realized that the reason for her blush was the fact that he was still holding her outstretched hand and he had been staring with his mouth open.

It took every ounce of willpower in his body to shut his mouth and let go of the soft skin on her hand. And only then could he do it by convincing himself that she was uncomfortable.

She quickly looked away from him and his heart dropped down to his stomach. Of course; she was much too good for him.

She sniffled quietly and wiped her nose on the edge of her sleeve. Jared's heart flipped at the cute and endearing gesture before panic set in. Was she sick? Jared remembered an article he read a couple years ago about someone thinking they had a cold but ended up dying. The pain in his chest that had been absent for the last minute came back tenfold. The thought of losing his imprint before he even knew her name almost made him keel over right then.

He didn't even know her name! He gripped the edge of his seat before glancing over at the name at the top of her paper.

 _Kim Conweller._

His heart jumped into his throat _._ Kim.

He smiled to himself as he repeated her name in his head paired with his. Jared and Kim. Kim and Jared. Jared and Kim. Kim and... _Paul?_ Jared's brow furrowed as he stared down at Kim's pencil. Why was Paul's name written on her pencil? He glanced toward her again but she was facing the board. Did Kim like Paul? Jared's heart was crushed at the thought.

He would just have to win her over.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you so much for caring about Kim and Jared in 2017 by reading my story! I would love it if you're reading this to review! Even if you're just giving me a thumbs up or complaining about how much you hate it! Reviews really motivate me! Also remember to allow PMs so I can reply to you!**

 **Qhuedie: Thank you so much for your kind reviews! I do have plans for my OCs - all of them in fact haha.**


	4. February 2005 - Part 2

_Every day not a single minute  
Passes by without you in it  
Your skin, your voice, your body and your touch  
All of these moments, I miss them so much._

 _My love for you runs so deep through my vein  
That I dream of you, in spite of the pain. - Silke Wettergren_

 **February 2005 Part 2**

Kim tried to steady her breathing. The way Jared looked at her had been so intense she swore her heart had stopped. The way his hand felt when it touched hers… how could he not know that they belonged together?

It seemed so obvious to her. They were meant to be, as they always had been. How could Juliet or Carmen not realize?

She sniffled again and then winced; this is what she had meant when she knew sitting next to him would only cause her embarrassment. The one time Jared actually looked at her, she was sick and feeling disgusting.

She tried to focus on the board but between her intense moment with Jared and her runny nose she could hardly concentrate.

Suddenly, Jared was up out of his seat and moving across the room. Many curious eyes followed him, however he just grabbed two tissues from the class box and turned around to head back to his desk. Most people focused back on the lesson.

Kim was not one of them.

As soon as Jared had sat back down he handed her the tissues. She gave him a confused stare before he tentatively put them in her hand.

"Are you alright Kim?" Jared whispered.

Kim nearly died of shock. Jared knew her name! And now he was talking to her and asking if she was okay - that must mean that he was concerned, that he _cared_.

Of course the rational part of her brain almost immediately took over and she realized that Jared probably just didn't want to get sick himself - again. This same part of her brain also told her that they should not be talking in class.

 _Oh!_ But rules were out the window when it came to Jared. How could she pass up any opportunity to talk to him? She got so little of them.

"I'll be fine. It's just a cold. I've had plenty." She smiled at him shyly, wishing once more for Carmen's confidence.

Jared had frowned at her words before his eyes lit up.

"You have a beautiful smile." Jared grinned. Kim immediately began blushing from the root of her hair all the way down to her neck.

She could not even stutter out a thank you before quickly turning around to face the front.

 _Oh my gosh! He finally noticed me just for me to act like a freak!_ Kim bit her lip. She wanted so badly to look at him. When he had looked at her before his eyes had seemed darker than she had ever seen them. Now she wanted to confirm that her own eyes just hadn't been playing tricks on her, but didn't want to look at him only to embarrass herself again.

Meanwhile, Jared was back to frowning. Kim had obviously not liked it when he complimented her. What kind of girls didn't like compliments?

 _Obviously ones that are too beautiful for words to even describe_ , Jared thought wistfully.

When the bell rang Kim quickly jumped up... and then immediately dropped her books in her haste to leave. She heard a few snickers and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying, again! But as she bent down to pick them up they were already being handed to her.

Kim was legitimately surprised that Jared was still here. He usually sped out of class, and didn't talk to anyone but Paul anymore. So for him to be handing her her books - or to even notice her - was a very new development.

"Um, th-thank you." Kim grit her teeth in embarrassment for stuttering.

"It's no trouble at all. In fact, uh, can I walk with you to your next class?" Jared looked nervous and Kim was very confused. Jared never acted nervous, and Jared never had shown any interest in her before.

"You can say no." Jared winced and rubbed the back of his neck. Kim blushed when she realized she had never answered him and had been too busy staring at his bicep.

"Oh, um, no it's alright. You can walk with me." Kim had no idea what was going on. It was like she had stepped into an alternate reality, or more likely, she was still dreaming.

As they fell into step together Kim noticed the confused looks and whispers from her classmates.

She bit her lip nervously at their uncomfortable states and knew she wouldn't suffer through being the center of attention for anyone but Jared. Speaking of him, he looked very annoyed and kept glaring at people, yet he kept glancing back at her with a concerned expression on his face.

"Um, this is me." Kim stopped in front of her classroom and immediately wished she didn't always sound so awkward.

"Oh." Jared almost looked disappointed and Kim wondered why. "Could, uh, maybe we could sit next to each other at lunch?"

If Kim was confused before, now she was truly shocked. Had someone told him about her crush? Was this some sort of prank? She was speechless once again.

"Um… I usually sit with my friends." Kim glanced around anxiously after a few moments. All she had wanted her whole life was Jared, and now when he finally started talking to her, she was freezing up and making excuses.

"Oh." Jared breathed. "Well, uh, I guess I'll see you around then." He then suddenly turned around and started walking away from her.

Kim just stood there, stunned, until the bell rang and she quickly entered the classroom.

xxx

Paul finally found Jared in the bathroom. It was lunchtime and when he hadn't showed up Paul had went looking in case there was trouble.

He was utterly surprised to find Jared, his strong, sarcastic, 6'3", and extremely muscled best friend, crying in the men's bathroom during lunch. Paul felt like he had stepped into a bad 80s sitcom and he didn't really know how he felt about it.

"Jared?" Paul asked tentatively. "What's up man?" Paul wondered how long he'd been in here.

"She hates me!" Jared blew his nose from inside the stall. "She doesn't care about me! And I'll never be good enough for her!"

Paul was utterly confused. Jared had never talked about a girl before. He'd never _thought_ about a _specific_ girl before. (They'd definitely thought about girls in general.)

"Who are you talking about?" Though Paul was curious he wished Jared would hurry up this conversation. He was starving, and he didn't really want to pull his lunch out in the men's bathroom which was extremely disgusting. Though, if this lasted any longer, he wasn't totally above it.

"Kim! The most perfect girl in the entire universe! My soulmate!" Jared sniffled as another round of tears came on.

"Kim… Connweller?" Paul scrunched his brow before his mouth dropped open. "Oh my God. You imprinted on Kim Connweller?" Everything made sense to Paul now. Why he felt that weird subtle feeling that she was important, why talking came so easy between them. She was his best friend's imprint!

Suddenly he began to laugh. "Why are you crying like a bitch Jared? Kim's great. I thought you were supposed to be happy and all that when you get struck by cupid's arrow or whatever." Paul continued to laugh as Jared flung the stall door open.

"How do you know Kim?!" Paul wanted to laugh so badly at Jared's complete meltdown but his friend actually looked mad so he tried to stifle it.

Jared suddenly had Paul pushed up against the brick of the bathroom wall and Paul wasn't laughing anymore.

"Hey! What the hell?" Paul tried to push Jared off of him but it was no use. Jared did have a couple of inches on him, and he was really angry, which was making Paul angry too.

"How do you know Kim?" Jared repeated.

"I'm not going to tell you if you don't let me go idiot." Paul tried to control the light shaking that had begun to ripple through his body. _Jared was being so stupid!_ Trying to provoke him in school!

Jared slumped down as he realized Paul was shaking. "I'm sorry." He stated glumly, wiping the tear tracks off his face. "But Kim, God she's so perfect! I can't believe I've never seen her before! She sits right next to me! Has she all year? I can't even remember if we have assigned seats. We must. She'd never sit by me willingly." Jared rambled as Paul just shook his head. He tried not to blame Jared for riling him up (though it was his fault) because he was obviously not right in the head.

"Dude calm down before you have an aneurysm." Paul spoke looking down, trying to unwrinkle his shirt where Jared had grabbed it.

"What if Kim had an aneurysm? What if she-" Paul cut Jared off before he could go into complete hysterics.

"Stop. You're acting like a complete fool right now. Have you even talked to her?" Paul asked, his stomach grumbling uncomfortably.

Jared suddenly got a wistful look on his face and Paul wanted to barf. "Just for a minute. Her voice is so wonderful, it's so soft, yet at a higher pitch."

"I'm gonna need to get high after this." Paul muttered underneath his breath.

Jared glared at him but continued. "And then when we were walking down the halls together! I just wanted to hold her hand so badly! But everyone kept talking about us and some people were making fun of Kim and others didn't even know who she was! How in the world do they not know who she is?!"

Paul shrugged. "You didn't."

This earned him a punch in the gut and Paul growled before calming down. "You better watch it lover boy. I think I know Kim much better than you do at the moment." And though it wasn't entirely true, it was still nice to hang it over Jared's head.

Jared continued to glare at him before he finally broke down. "Please tell me how you know her Paul. Does she like you? She has a pencil with your name on it."

This time Paul did laugh over the look of utter devastation on Jared's face - over a pencil!

"Calm down. I sit next to her in first period and I always forget my pencil. She just keeps one, well two, for me. Don't get your panties in a twist."

Jared didn't even reply to the dig Paul threw at him because of the overwhelming relief flooding through his body.

"Though, just because she doesn't like _me_ , doesn't mean she isn't going out with somebody else." Paul teased his friend. Jared's eyes snapped back up and his mouth dropped.

"You're right! Oh my gosh I'm too late. She's most likely already in a relationship-"

"Dude we're sophomores. Not that many of us are dating." Paul scoffed. "Especially girls like her."

"What do you mean girls like her?" Jared was immediately on the defensive again and Paul wanted to claw his eyes out. He had a bad feeling his friend would be crazy like this for quite some time.

"Jared if you want to seem normal around her you've got to calm down when someone makes a comment. I didn't mean anything bad by it. She's just shy, and guys like you, or rather, who you used to be," Paul gave him a pointed look, "don't date girls like her."

Jared furrowed his brow. Paul continued before his friend could make another assumption.

"What I'm saying is she's kinda invisible. It's not a bad thing. But as you said, even you never noticed her before." Paul shrugged. He was gonna call Sam to sort Jared out if this didn't end soon. Lunch would be over in a couple minutes and he still hadn't ate.

"I can't believe I haven't… she's so perfect."

"Why?" Paul asked bluntly. If Jared didn't know her, what could he like about her?

"Well…" Jared's eyebrows scrunched together as he thought. "She was sick today, but still looked so adorable."

"That's it?" Paul raised his brow.

"Shut up. I'll get to know her," Jared's face turned downcast again, "If she lets me - she has no reason to. I'm just an overgrown freak! She's probably afraid of me!" He stopped talking just long enough for the color to drain out of his face. "Oh my god Paul, what if I did something terrible to her before like I did you! I'm such an asshole! I don't deserve her."

"Well that part's true." Paul scoffed under his breath. "But c'mon if you're like, destined to be together or whatever it'll work out. I mean, I don't think it gets worse than Sam and Emily, and they're trying to work it out. Plus, your imprint-anniversary is Valentine's Day! Nothing's more romantic than that."

"Valentine's Day?" Jared looked around, confused. He finally noticed the colored hearts on the wall and felt sick to his stomach.

Paul's stomach growled, louder this time. "Hmm… maybe we could talk about it over lunch?"

"No time. We've got to go." Jared rushed out of the bathroom and Paul let out a huff of frustration.

xxx

"Kim. You've been kinda quiet on this fine midday." Carmen smirked at the mousy girl sitting across from her. Kim didn't know how Carmen always knew when she was hiding something.

"It's nothing." Kim picked at her sandwich, not feeling particularly hungry with all the butterflies in her stomach. "I'm probably just making a big deal out of nothing." Kim whispered aloud. Though in reality she knew this day would forever be burned into her brain for the rest of history. Jared Cameron had talked to her - walked her to class even!

"Really? Because I heard a certain Mr. Cameron walked someone to class."

This got Juliet's attention as she looked up from her salad. "Oh Kim, I'm so sorry." She offered her friend a sympathetic smile. "I know you really like him." She looked back down shrugging. "But you know I'm not his biggest fan."

Carmen choked on her water and started coughing as she tried to hold back fits of laughter at Juliet's assumption. Kim shot her a dirty look while Juliet looked between them, confused. When Carmen had finally calmed down she spoke, "Are you going to tell her Kim, or should I?"

Kim shook her head. "Like I said, it's nothing. Jared did walk me to second hour today. But probably only because we were talking in first hour and he was being polite in not cutting off the conversation."

Juliet's eyes were wide as she and Carmen had a silent conversation with their eyes. While Juliet tried to convey her concern, Carmen still had a half smirk and her eyes were alight with mischief.

"Guys really. I know you think it's a big deal, but Jared will probably go right back to ignoring my existence tomorrow."

"Exactly!" They both exclaimed.

"You need to get it in today while something's come over him!" Carmen grinned. Juliet quickly silenced Carmen with a look.

"It's only going to hurt you more in the long run, obsessing over these small interactions. Kim you deserve so much better than Jared. You always have. I understand maybe why you didn't see it in middle school. But you need to get over it now. You're a shell of who you could be if you just let yourself love other things. As relationship experts say 'In order to build healthy relationships, you must be well on your way to becoming whole or already complete.'" Juliet's lips formed a tight line.

Kim bit her lip. Juliet certainly had a point. She didn't do much but her homework and fantasize about being with Jared.

"All I'm saying is, let's say Jared comes to his sense and pulls his head out of his ass and notices you. What do you have to bring to the table? What makes you, you? What makes him want to get to know you?" Juliet offered her friend a small smile. "I'm not calling you boring. I'm saying you need more self-actualizing hobbies. You're a quiet spirit, so am I. You just need to channel it into something else."

Carmen fake gagged in the background and pretended to choke. "Is there a problem?" Juliet looked over and gave her a hard look.

Carmen put her hands up defensively. "No, no. It's just that... what makes you the relationship expert?"

"I've read many books on it. I've been in an actual relationship. What about you? Telling her to jump on that before it's gone if I recall?" Juliet raised her left eyebrow.

Carmen rolled her eyes again. "First of all Juliet, you were in that _one_ relationship because you're super hot and everyone knows you can cook because of that bake-off last year. Nothing else. Second, sex _is_ my self-actualizing hobby."

Juliet shook her head. "I'm not even going to go into how wrong you are right now. Maybe you should do some more reading and 'less jumping on it.'"

"I'm letting you win this one because I got more joy from listening to you say that sentence than I have all week." Carmen laughed and Juliet smiled, rolling her eyes, the tension dissipating.

With the conflict now averted Kim set to tuning them out. What did she have to offer Jared? Why did her friends like her? What things did she do for herself? She worked hard in school not because she thought she was getting out of here -barely anyone ever did- but because she _was_ boring, and did it to pass the time. She thought back, she had tried her hand at drawing in middle school before losing interest, she had tried playing the guitar to go along with her singing voice (which she knew was nice, but Juliet and Carmen could sing better) but her interest faded with that too. She had liked to take pictures, but that was mostly because she didn't want to be the ones in them. She liked to swim, and still did, but that was more of a summer activity. She wrote the occasional poem, but inspiration hit her far and few between.

She thought about her friends. It seemed Juliet could do anything she put her mind to; between her drive and her money if there was something she wanted to learn she just did. Carmen on the other hand learned things out of spite, like whenever someone called her stupid she'd go and make sure to prove them wrong.

Kim wasn't like either of them. Which she supposed was a good thing. No one needed two Juliet's and they certainly didn't need two Carmen's (Kim shuddered at the thought of that one).

The bell rang to signal the end of lunch and Kim was shaken out of her thoughts. Juliet squeezed her shoulder as she quickly left the lunchroom giving Embry a quick smile which he returned with a small starstruck wave. Kim put her book she had thought about reading at lunch back into her bookbag while Carmen stood in front of her.

"What?" Kim asked her, deadpanned. She didn't want any more advice at the moment, no matter how good (which she doubted it would be).

Carmen winked. "Jump on it." She mouthed as she turned and left to go to class.

xxx

Kim was confused. Jared wasn't in fourth hour though he had just been at school two hours before. And then he wasn't in their fifth hour either. She hadn't seen him at lunch, and she most likely could have convinced herself this morning was all a dream except for the fact that Carmen had mentioned at lunch that it really happened.

As Kim walked home she reflected on her day. She knows it's stupid, but her heart hurts a little without Jared near. Usually Kim would think that was romantic, but now she's realizing that maybe Juliet is right about her obsession with him; that it is unhealthy as when she's not mooning over Jared it's like she doesn't even have a personality.

Kim knows she has to get over him soon, this situation has gone on long enough. She had already wasted so much time, especially most of her childhood, fantasizing about a boy who had once kissed her in kindergarten and hadn't given her the time of day since.

 _Until today_. A small voice in her head reminds her, but Kim quickly shakes it off. That was the part of her brain she needed to suppress, the one that couldn't shake Jared off.

Soon the sky begins to get darker, the day dreary and gray as a slow drizzle falls from the sky.

When she gets home, Kim vows to do something for herself before she can write in her journal about her bizarre encounter with Jared today. She knows she'll have to take baby steps in quitting him.

Kim struggles unlocking her front door, but finally gets inside just as the rain really begins to pour down. Her parents aren't home yet but she can hear video games noises from the basement which means her brother is. She quickly skips up to her room, opting rather to avoid conversation with him, dumping her backpack and coat on the floor in a mess of clothes and papers.

Soon all that can be seen of Kim is her backside as she's half buried inside her closet trying to find her drawing kit, with all the nice pencils and pastels. Soon she finds it and throws some things off her desk to make room for the paper and pencils.

She sits there for a good half hour trying to think about what to draw before she finally decides on a still life, as that's usually the easiest thing. However, Kim quickly realizes that her drawings still look very middle school-esque. Which made sense because she hadn't exactly been practicing since then.

Her guitar is much easier to find as it's standing in the corner of her room, being used for more of room decor rather than ever actually being played. Kim brushes the dust off before she plucks at a string. It sounds off to her ears and she winces, she doesn't know how to tune it though so she plucks another one. Almost immediately something snaps and Kim drops the guitar in shock. She soon realizes that a string had broke and she sighs in frustration. So far, things weren't exactly looking up in the hobby department.

She thinks of what else to do as her parents get home and she walks downstairs to greet them. The sounds of video games has ceased and she wonders vaguely where her brother is, guessing that he probably left before their parents got home as to not talk to them. Kim didn't know the full reason why, but they had been fighting lately, mostly about her brother moving out. He had graduated the previous year but was yet to do anything, including apply for the local community college or go looking for work.

"Hey honey." Her mom kissed her cheek as she passed by and went into the kitchen. Her dad was still hanging up his coat and taking off his boots as the wet snow dripped from his person. Kim decided to follow her mom into the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm looking for another hobby. Where did you put the camera?" She asks.

"Oh! Good for you. I think it's in the cupboard above-" But Kim is already gone, remembering now where her mom had put it after the holidays. As she turns it on and takes off the cap a feeling of frustration hits her as she reads the little message displayed on the screen. Not only is the battery almost dead, but the memory is full as well.

She angrily snaps the cap back on and goes to stomp back up the stairs. _This is what I get for trying to better myself,_ she thinks.

"Kim," her mom calls her from the bottom of the stairs as she stands at the top.

"Yes?" She calls back.

"Your dad and I are leaving now. Are you going to Juliet's tonight? We can drop you off on our way to Port Angeles."

Kim knows how sad it is that her mom expects her to not have plans for Valentine's Day, but she chooses not to think about it.

"No, she's hanging out with Embry tonight." Kim tried to keep the agitation out of her voice, her mom was just trying to be helpful, but she just wanted to wallow in her own self pity and think about Jared. She'd spent enough time not doing that today right? She was taking baby steps after all.

"Embry Call?" Kim could see her mom scrunch up her nose. Kim sighed in exasperation; her mom could be so judgemental sometimes. "Isn't he Makah? You know he doesn't have a father. Why are they hanging around with each other?"

Kim wanted to say, "Because everyone's not as judgemental as all you old people and they enjoy each other's company." But she figured she'd get a hurt and disappointed look, and she didn't want to ruin her mother's Valentine's Day. So instead she said, "I don't know, they live next to each other."

"Hmm. Well are you alright here by yourself? You don't have any other plans do you?"

"No mom. Have a good night." And with that Kim turned around, shut her bedroom door and collapsed down on her bed. Parents could be so exhausting sometimes.

xxx

It feels as if Kim has only been asleep for a few minutes when she hears someone knocking on the front door. She quickly blinks away the sleep from her eyes and notices it's only 5:37pm. It was probably a good thing someone woke her up, or else she wouldn't sleep tonight, she attempted to reason, trying not to get upset at being awakened. She ran her hands through her hair and adjusted her t-shirt as she trudged down the stairs. She figures it's her brother and he most likely forgot his key again.

However, when the door swings open she's shocked to see the last person she'd ever expect to be at her house. Jared Cameron is standing there with flowers, chocolates, and a sheepish grin.

So she did what she had to, abruptly slamming the door in his face. Her breathing heavy and her face hot, she cannot believe Jared just saw her in wrinkled clothes and unbrushed hair, most likely with sleep marks still on her face.

What was he doing here? _He must be going on a date tonight and has the wrong house_ , she thought.

"Uh Kim? Is everything alright?" Jared called through the front door that still separated them. "What's wrong? Are you still sick?"

"One second!" She calls back, smoothing out her clothes and quickly brushing her knotted hair. She was so flustered it didn't even register why he was here or why he had flowers. Until she was opening the door again, more slowly this time, checking to see if he was really there, or if she was dreaming.

"Hey Kim." He smiles down at her and she can feel the already present blush on her face get hotter as he says her name.

"What are you doing here?" She whispers, her voice failing her.

"I was wondering, you know, if you didn't have any other plans that is," Jared cleared his throat as his own cheeks turned a light pink, "If you wanted to go to dinner with me tonight." He quickly thrust out the flowers to her, as if he just realized he was holding them.

Kim's mouth dropped open a fraction of an inch. This could not be real life. She was so shocked she barely had time to register that she didn't answer him.

"I know this is surprising," Jared went on as if sensing she was confused. "But I really like you, and I know it's abrupt, but I figured it would be more romantic you know, if I just asked you out today. Because you know, it's Valentine's." Jared stuttered along. "You can say no though. A lot of people want to be friends before they go out with someone, which is fine with me. I'd be honored to be your friend." Jared kept rambling on.

Kim still could not believe what was happening. What had she done to make someone play this kind of prank on her? She still stood open mouthed, Jared wasn't just at her house as a mistake, but he was asking her out, and on Valentine's Day no less. Someone must know about her plan to forget about him and was trying to sabotage her sanity.

"Are you playing a prank on me?" Her voice wavered, still soft.

Jared's eyes widened. "No! Of course not. I'd never do that to you."

"Okay." Kim took a deep breath. He did look genuine. "Okay let me get my shoes on." She turned around and tried not to think about what she was doing or how much she was about to make a fool of herself.

"Really?" Jared's face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face before he quickly composed himself. "I mean-uh, yeah great."

By the time Kim got her jacket and boots on, still wet from the walk home from school, she had almost talked herself out of going. She had no idea why Jared was suddenly into her, and it was messing with her emotions to say the least. As she laid the flowers on the table, not bothering to put them in a vase, her mind wandered into the dark corners of her brain, thinking that maybe even Carmen could have set this up as a joke.

"So uh, do you want to go to that diner in Forks? Or we can go to Port Angeles if you want something fancier. Do you even want to go to dinner? I probably shouldn't have assumed." Jared scratched the back of his neck as they walked slowly toward his truck.

For some reason, Jared almost seems nervous, and it puts Kim on edge. When things like this happened in her daydreams, they were never nervous, rather Jared would sweep her away, the epitome of confidence. The way he used to be at school. Before he looked like this.

This is when it finally hits Kim that she's getting into a car with a total stranger. Sure, he's Jared Cameron. But he's not her Jared, the one she's created in her head, the safe Jared. She realizes with a gulp she knows almost nothing about this new creature in front of her.

"Kim?" Jared asks softly as they reach his truck.

"Forks is fine. I am a bit hungry." She gives him a small smile, her brows furrowed as she tries to figure out what he's up to. She climbs in the passenger side and Jared shuts the door for her, quickly running around to get in on his side.

The car ride is awkward to say the least. Jared keeps looking over at her, and the intensity of it almost frightens Kim. She wants to remind him to watch the road, as it's February and icy, but she can't bring herself to speak.

Kim almost groans when she sees how busy the restaurant is. Luckily it's mostly people from Forks instead of La Push, but they too must have all wanted to celebrate the holiday with a meal out. After a seven minute wait in which Jared asks Kim if she would rather go somewhere else (though they both know around there there is no where else), they finally get seated. They get a lot of stares, mostly because of Jared's tall and muscled physique, and Kim bites the inside of her cheek in discomfort.

It seems that Jared could be content to just stare at her all night but Kim is uncomfortable with the silence, something usually not so when she's with her friends. When their drinks come she can't hold it in anymore.

"Why are you here with me? Isn't there something better to do with your Valentine's Day? Other girls to impress?"

Jared looked shocks and he slowly shakes his head. "Kim I told you, I promise this isn't a prank or some joke. I truly like you." Jared tried to think back and try to remember if he did ever offend this girl like he did Paul. "You can't believe that?"

"No." Kim surprises even herself with her immediate answer and Jared looks unhappy. She tries to explain, "No one's ever liked me before... Especially not people like you." She's looking away from him now, embarrassed to have admitted the fact, especially on a first "date," if they were even calling it that.

"People like me?" Jared asks confused, and Kim wished she hadn't said anything. Jared thinks back to what Paul had said, and it makes him sad she thinks it too.

"I mean... popular, and athletic... and attractive and that kind of stuff." She shrugged, trying to downplay how much she was completely out of his league.

"You think I'm attractive?" Jared beams widely and Kim wants to bury her head in her hands in embarrassment. She must still be dreaming; she really could not have just said that.

"Uh-" She clears her throat, looking anywhere but him, not going to repeat herself. But Jared looks content with her blush, and takes that as his answer.

Jared suddenly grabs her hand and she looks up to meet his gorgeous brown eyes. Her breath catches in surprise as he intertwines their fingers. She wants to remind him that friends don't hold hands like that, but the feeling is nice. She had also decided that if this night was a fluke and if Jared never spoke to her again, it would be worth it, and she might as well enjoy his company while she could. She cursed herself for inadvertently was taking Carmen's advice.

"What's your favorite thing to do?" He asked, rubbing her thumb with his.

 _Think about you_ , was the truth, but she couldn't say that. Her mind blanked at coming up with other good-sounding options, like cross country skiing or playing an instrument. So she said only the second most embarrassing thing she could.

"I do a lot of schoolwork." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she cringed. How geeky did that sound?

Jared paused before speaking. "Trying to get out of here huh?" His jaw clenched and he had stopped staring at her, opting to look at their intertwined hands atop the table instead.

That would be the most reasonable reason. To get a scholarship and get the hell out. But Kim genuinely enjoyed getting things done and living stress free, and when her school work was done, she didn't have to stress about it. She knew she wasn't getting off the reservation, she was part of the 90% of her classmates that wouldn't. Unlike them however, she didn't want to. The reservation was her home, where her family lived, where her ancestors had grown up.

"No. I'm not planning on going anywhere." She gave him a half smile, "Why, are you?" It would probably be for the best if he did, if she was planning on getting over him any time soon, but just the thought of him leaving made her heart hurt.

He had looked back up at her at her words, his eyes searching hers before giving her a genuine smile. "No. I'm not going anywhere."

After that, talking came easier. He asked her simple things like her favorite color and where she usually sat at lunch. She asked him simple things in turn like if he had any siblings. He told her stories of playing football and she told him briefly of her friends and what they were like. That lead them to talk about Paul, who Kim could tell Jared really appreciated as his friend.

Jared had never tore his eyes away from her all night, which at first made Kim self conscious, but eventually flattered her. She didn't understand how he could stare at her for so long, as there wasn't much of anything to look at. Unlike him, who gave her every reason to stare.

Jared also ate a lot. He ordered two meals for himself and looked like he wanted to order another but stopped at her wide eyes. She ended up only eating half of hers, and he finished that too. After he was finished he looked sort of embarrassed by it, but she found it endearing.

As they rode home in Jared's truck Kim felt another wave of butterflies in her stomach. What if Jared tried to kiss her? Was it even that kind of date? She had no experience kissing anyone before. What if her breath smelled gross?

He must have sensed her anxiety because as they got out of the truck and he walked her to the door he only pulled her into a tight hug goodbye. Kim was both relieved and disappointed. He smelled amazing, like pine and some musky type of cologne she couldn't identify. She could feel his muscles pressed against her. All in all, she didn't want to let go of his warm body.

They both blushed as they finally unwrapped their arms from around one another. Jared grabbed her hand as she was turning around to go inside.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Jared asked, looking into her eyes once more, his hand still in hers.

She nodded, biting her lip. She didn't even mean to, it was a nervous habit, but it caught his attention and as she watched his eyes flitter down to her lips, a soft whine escaped his throat. The sound was so low she barely thought she heard it.

Jared immediately dropped her hand when he realized the embarrassing noise he had just emitted. He hoped she hadn't heard him and he laughed nervously as he took a step back.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll see you then." He nodded, gave her a little awkward wave, and quickly started walking back to his truck.

Kim turned around and shut her door softly. Jared wasn't much like she had painted him out to be in her dreams. He was better, if only because he was actually real.

* * *

 _AN: Sorry for the long wait! I started college and my time to write fanfiction is few and far between. Hopefully the long chapter makes up for it. I was trying to fit one whole month in each chapter but that's not working out. Thank you for being understanding :)_

 _PS: I love all the reviews! Tell me who your favorite character is (other than Paul, I know he's everyone's favorite haha.) Also check out my other story that is connected to this universe! It's Embry x OC._


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